water | Satnam Satya

This time last week, I was preparing to go camping alone, to a festival alone. I have been reflecting a lot about myself. Am I Happy? Am I Good?

To be honest my happiness, as morphed into a ‘Happi-Mess’. A Happy-Mess of worrying, not Happy, not good.

It didn’t take long, during reflection to see, my ‘Happi-Mess’…because the feeling, discomfort is actually stronger than the visualisation.

My ‘Happi-Mess’ moves in waves, sailing through ups and downs successfully finding the medium of yes you’ve guessed it, a ‘Happi-Mess’.

Happi-Mess, is a balance where everyone around me, is happy, healthy and whole in their comings and goings because they have my time, attention and will to do has they please to be consistently ‘Happy, and Good’. Whilst I remain in my Happi-Mess, grasping oh so sweet moments of being Happy and Good.

I have no one to look to, but myself, I can only make choices for myself so in a funny sort of….I want to break free, from this ‘Happi-Mess’, I began to look at what I did not like, what I was doing, my habits, patterns that had created my you guessed it my ‘Happi-Mess’.

Looking around me, there are no longer babies, young ones, family who need my time and support. They can manage, but make choices to hold my time and support.

So little by little, I have been making I am Happy, I Am Good choices.

Yes, Yes, Yes! Go, Go, Go! Choices. So here I am all booked up to go camping 🏕…at a Festival ☺, Vegan, Holistic Festival…Everything that makes me ‘Happy’, makes me ‘Good’. Releasing myself from my ‘Happi-Mess’, that is unfulfilled.

I explored delicious Vegan food, walked, slept under the stars adoring the Moon, in its crescent 🌙form.

I watched the Sun rise…

And watched the Sunset.

I danced until nearly midnight, invited my body to return to Yoga, find my ‘Yoke’ to be open, stretching with no clocks, no alarms.

Sat by a lake, stepped into the lake, wade in the water…sending my ‘Happi-Mess’ away, for me to become Happy and Good.

I chose to live in the moment, using balance…I felt I didn’t have to ‘Paddle Board’

And just like that…I made a single choice….I Am Happy, I Am Good, I Am Happy, I Am Good….

My Sunday was truly a day spent counting my blessings. I was grateful for life, for loved ones and all things bright and beautiful around me.

I began to surrender on a journey to let go of what I can’t control. I can’t control ‘Feeling physically tired’…I went back to sleep, because my mind, body and soul needed rest, needed sleep.

I practiced kindness…watered the plants, the herbs in my home, without haste. I talked to them, spent time running the water to reach a temperature not to startle, the roots. I was kind to myself, when I felt myself drifting in and out of sleep…I didn’t fight it. Instead I gathered my pillows cushions and duvet and immersed myself in a sound Bath of gongs, mantra and affirmations of love, light, healing, for love, health, protection and projection.

I listened to my heart…because it is always right.

Finally, the most blissful act of all is…To ‘Breathe’ just to ‘Breathe‘. I inhaled, slowly, deeply. Exhaled, slowly, deeply. Recognising each deep inhalation…was an emotional fight to make haste to exhale out, make haste to move on with life, with time. I gave myself permission, an invitation to… Slow my breath… releasing guilt for taking the time to just ‘Breathe’…Releasing the tension in the body, roaming thoughts of the mind. The thoughts that stop, rest, sleep, that create a tired mind, body and soul.